Sorry I've been MIA

I have been out if the house the last couple days... I woke up yesterday very.... Emotional is the best and definitely nicest way to put it. It didn't take long for my sweet husband to instruct me to get dressed, that we were getting out of the house sans kids. I'll be honest and tell you I really did not want to. But I'm glad he made me. I won't say it was the most enjoyable trip, but we got out...just the two of us.

We went out to eat at who Dats,a Cajun place a couple towns over. I can't give the food rave reviews... In fact, I think the only thing worse than the food was the music. Lol. Nothing like a sing that repeats the lyrics "Don't mess with me and I won't mess with you". Of course the next catchy song was

Don't mess with my bush
Il, kick you in the tush
If you try to grab my rose
Ill punch you in the nose.

Now that may not be *Exactly* right, but it's pretty close. I think Larry realized I wasnt really in the mood to try and figure out what was going on, so our conversation was very light hearted. And when things stalled out, we just made fun of the music!

One thing I've learned is my husband is a fixer. If I'm moody or emotional or whatever, he places the blame on himself. And he either wants to fix it, or he internalized it and feels I'm not happy with him.

Another thing I've noticed... Anytime we go out or anything....he always holds my hand. At least in the van. And he's starting to open the door for me all the time. Progress!!

Still trying to Put Him First

Let me preface this post by saying I don't want these posts to appear to be "airing my dirty laundry".  In fact, I want this to be more of an account on the way this changes *me* as a wife.. not him as a husband.  Which is why I'm not telling him nor am I wanting him to get on board and participate.  HOWEVER, I do want this to be an accurate description.  If I left out all the negative parts, well, I wouldn't be able to see a difference down the line would I??

I'm still trying to put my husband first in everything.  It works sometimes, and sometimes I just get lazy.  I do find that I'm doing little things easier for him.  Is he as vocally appreciative about it as he was in the beginning?  No.  But I'm sure he's just as appreciative now.  I have found he is almost trying to "outdo" me on the serving part of it.  It's almost a race at times to see who can do for the other first.   Now isn't that a bad thing to have in marriage??? ~grin~

I'm still working on my mouth.  I find that's a lot harder for me.  I tend to pop off too much, and it's always directed at my poor husband.  Because he's safe.  I know he'll still love me at the end of the day.  But I'm working on it.  It's funny, because when he is at work, we are constantly texting each other (on his breaks of course).  Telling each other how awesome the other is, flirting, etc.  But we don't do it nearly as often from our own mouths.  What is it that stops that?  Is it just because when he's home we're around each other all the time, and take it for granted?  Or when he's at work, we know we just have a few minutes, and distance truly does make the heart grow fonder???  I don't know.. but it's something I plan to work on!

It's spreading!!!

(PHF Day 7.. )  Sorry for not updating yesterday.  It being the weekend, there's only so much I can do with the man.    He's always tired when he gets home, and I've gotten into the habit of making sure his supper is hot and ready for him when he walks in.  I offered several times to let him change the channel on tv, but he left it on Top Chef.  When i would ask if he wanted something, he would always say no.  In fact, I noticed several times him making sure to do things for ME.  This is Larry's love language... the way he shows it, and I believe the best way he "sees" it being shown to him.  That's why I think this project is going to be so successful.   But I also notice he is beginning to touch more.  I was even able to rub his back a bit last night without him going nuts!!!

(PHF Day 8)  I'm dealing with a really bad migraine today.  Luckily I made chili yesterday, so we'll be able to eat that for supper.   I don't know how much I'll do for him, as far as serving him.  But I'm going to focus on making sure all my words are kind, complimentary, and uplifting.  I'll let you know how it goes tonight! :)

I have been working on our date plans.  I've just about got all the at home dates roughly planned out.  I'm having to reign in the over planner in me, and not completely plan out each of those 40 dates.  I am trying to just make the basic outline of what I'm going to do and then plan a month in advance. :)  But I want enough planned that I can start slowly buying things I need... like candles, christmas lights, decorations for our country travels.  I am sooo excited about these dates.  I just hope he loves them and doesn't think they are corny! :D

MORE sensitive??  Oh dear.

(PHF  Day 6) Yesterday, Larry and I spent the day shopping for our oldest and youngest upcoming birthday.  All in all in was a great day.  We managed to get everything for Sky's birthday, and some for Luke's.  The boy wants metal on his wall, and I'm just trying to find it cheap!

So I find the serving part of Putting Him First difficult when out and about.  I leave the radio station on his sports talk (YECH!), I always push the cart lol..   I just have a hard time finding things to DO.  So I started thinking about other ways to put him first.  One thing I've come up with is REALLY watching the way I speak to him.  I am QUICK to anger (and quick to let it go), and tend to snap at someone easily.  Or am very sarcastic at times.  So I'm going to be paying extra close attention to that, and make sure that anything I say is said in the most loving of ways.  I tell you, I'll have him so confused and wondering what's going on!!  LOL

I also notice that since starting this I am a lot more sensitive than before.  I've ALWAYS been emotional and sensitive, but it's even more so now.  I think that it's because I'm more aware of our relationship and where I want it to be.  But I have to remember this is MY project, unbeknownst to him.  I know how much stronger, how much closer, I want us to be.  But it's not going to happen overnight.  And just because I'm changing doesn't mean he will.  The little things are NOT things to get upset and hurt over.. they are just little things.  So while I'm guarding my mouth (lol), I'm going to try and guard my emotions too.  They seem to be a bit tender lately.

Keeping it real

(PHF Day 5) It's day five of my Putting Him First challenge. I wonder if there is anyone else out there trying this with me? I hope there is, and if so I would love to hear from you.

I have to say that after 5 days some things are becoming fairly habitual. I make up his side of the bed every night Now. My excuse has always been he's a bit OCD and likes his covers a certain way. But really, as his wife, I should learn that way and take the extra measure to do it fir him. And for all you super women out there that make your beds in the morning, well I applaud you. Maybe one of these days I will get there. Baby steps! I'm just happy it's getting done before. We crawl in bed. Lol. Hopefully there are some other women out there that can feel me!

Now, while some things are becoming easily remember and done, I know there's so much more I can do. I do find myself looking for opportunities to "serve" him. However, I also still struggle with it. Let's be real here. I don't want to be anyone's slave. Nor do I want him to get lazy and expect me to do everything for him.. Because, let's face it, I'm too lazy for that. Lol. And when begin to struggle with those things I remember what I'm doing and why. I'm no ones slave.... He's not forcing me to do anything. I do it because I love him. He doesn't even expect it. Right now he's just constantly surprised and always appreciative.

And I see return on my investment. He is beginning to touch me a bit more. Nothing major..just an occasional touch. I know it will only improve. I just need to remember to always be looking for those opportunities!

Out and About

(PHF Day 4)  Did you miss me yesterday?  We took the family out for the daughter's birthday outting.  Now her birthday isn't until Halloween, but with her brother's birthday just 3 days afterward, we decided to break the outtings up a bit this year.  We got out, walked around Home Depot (trying to get ideas on what to get my older 2 for their bedrooms), then went to Chili's to eat.  Justus informed the waitress (discreetly of course!) that it was Sky's birthday.  Unfortunately there weren't enough people working to sing to her (at least that's what we were told), but Sky's eyes definitely lit up at the sight of the brownie sundae that they brought her!  (And let's face it.. that bad boy was GOOD).  Afterwards, we went to the movie, where Sky picked to watch the Smurfs.  They really liked it and are talking about it still today.  I found it just... ok.   Although there is one line made from the cat I keep delivering to the kids over and over.  :D

Then it was off to Lowes to look around (for more room ideas).  I have to say that by then the kids were getting bored with the home improvement stores.  I did get a couple good ideas for birthdays and Christmas.  Then we went to the mall and surprised Sky with an ear piercing.  I was SOOO proud of her.  She did SOOOO well.  She just shed a small tear.  But she's so excited to finally have earrings.  She's been wanting them for so long.

All in all it was a great day.  It's a bit hard putting someone first while walking around stores etc.  But I did what I could. :)

(PHF Day 3) It's a new day.  A new attitude!  I did ok yesterday, tho Larry was definitely able to pick up on my mood.  I did have his supper ready as soon as he walked in, made his plate, had the bed made when he came to bed.  Brought him a little dessert.  And I didn't ask him to stop at the store on the way home. LOL  It's so hard on weekend, when he's gone all day.  Supper is about all I have time for.  Or maybe that makes it so easy! ;)  We're going out of town today so we'll see how today goes! :)

Day 2... Harder already??


(PHF Day 2) So I didn't do nearly as well today putting him first.  But some of it truly wasn't my fault!!!  I mean... not *really*.  I guess if I had made sure to be prepared for supper, he wouldn't have had to stop on the way home after working 12 hours.  That was my biggest failure for sure.  It was the ONE thing I was DETERMINED not to do... ask him to run by the store.  And I did... on day 2.  But otherwise... I did ok.

• Got up to make his lunch... umm yeah no.  Fail.  (plus he'd have a heart attack and never make it to work.  Baby steps people!)
• Had supper ready when he got home.  Umm... sorta.  He had to bring home instant rice, but it was ready within 10 minutes of him getting home.  I even made a salad because he mentioned maybe wanting one.  PASS!
• Made his plate.  Darn it all.. another fail.  He made it while I was making the kids.
• Gave up the computer while he was watching tv.. because he mentioned maybe wanting to get on the computer.  MAJOR Pass!!!
• Made his popcorn... fail... But in my defense.. I offered!
• Got out of the tub early in case one of us needed to go pick up the kids tonight.  I didn't want it to have to be him.  PASS!

So all in all, I have more passes than failures.  YAY ME!!!  He asked again tonight why I was being so nice to him.  I just acted innocent.  "Whatever do you mean???"  (said in my best southern belle drawl).  Looking back I should just have told him it's because I love him.  But he'll figure it out. ;)  It's late.. and time to go snuggle with my man.

Beginning To Put Him First


(Putting Him First (hereafter known as PHF) Day 1) Yesterday was my first day of trying out this whole "put him first" idea.  I first heard of the concept through the Dating Diva's website.   Now let me just put a plug in for these girls.  It's an AWESOME place to get ideas for your dates with your husband, for keeping your marriage strong.  They make it all look fun, but we know it's a ton of work, and I for one appreciate them doing what they can to help!

So anyway, the Diva's are giving away a book called The 100 Day Promise.  It's from a man who takes a challenge to put his wife first in all things for 100 days.  From what I understand, this book is basically his journal through that 100 days. I haven't read the book yet.  But I'm intrigued by the concept.  And I wanted to take on this challenge without any preformed thoughts or ideas.  I think I'll read the book at the END of my own experiment.. maybe to compare our journeys.  


Now that all sounds fine and dandy doesn't it??  I hear you thinking that this should be an EASY challenge.  Snickering at my use of the word CHALLENGE.  But let me just be real for a minute.  I'm human.  Which means I'm selfish.  I tend to try and be lazy whenever I can, and believe it or not, I don't have the perfect wife's heart.  You may be a superhuman superspouse.  And if you are PLEASE mentor me! :) Because I am not (shocking as that may be!), and this will be a challenge for me.

Yesterday was day number 1 in my Putting Him First challenge.  I know you are dying to know if I passed or failed, aren't you.  Well here's my day:

Get up and get him lunch for work:  FAIL
Have his supper ready when he got home:  PASS!!  YAY!
Make his plate for him:  BOOO  Fail :(
Make him cookies and surprise him with 2 of them:  BOOOYAH!!  Pass!
Volunteer to let him watch the football game:  YUP YUP
Let him fall asleep WHILE WATCHING wrestling without saying ANYTHING and without changing channels (which would have woke him up):  WOW that was a tough one but YEAH BABY!!!
Make his popcorn:... Ummmm I volunteered, does that count???? :/
Make his bed (oh this shows what a bad wife I am):  Yeah it was made before he came to bed!!  YAY ME!

All in all it was a success.  When we went to bed last night, I didn't even expect payment in return. ;)  AND he asked me why I was being so nice to him, then thanked me for being such a good wife.  All without having a clue what's going on. :)

Getting Started

So I've been debating this idea of starting a personal blog back up.  I always seem to do so well for a little while, then fail.  As you can see by my previous TWO posts on this blog, I don't even always do so well for a little while.  But I'm determined to change that.  I have a driving need to share what I'm thinking, what I'm planning, what I'm doing.  I want people to hear.  I want feedback.  I want to connect to others that understand.  I have several things I'm planning.  Mainly things to make me a better wife.  A better mother.  A better woman of God.

Things I have up my sleeve... 

*Putting my husband first.  Just making sure he knows how important he is in my life.  So I'll bring him something to drink when I'm up.  I'll let him watch the game in peace.  I'll do everything I can for 30 days (to start with) to make sure I put him BEFORE myself.

*Planning a year of dates to give the Larry for Christmas.  One a week, for 52 weeks.  Only one do we leave the house, but plenty of thought and excitement should go into each date.  I am really excited about this and can't wait to share!  

*Dating my children.  I have 4... and they all really need that one on one time with yours truly.  So once a month they get a date out.. with either me or their daddy.  (we'll tag team so we each only have to take 2 a month).  The dates are the important things.. its the time we spend together.  

*Refocusing on losing weight, being healthy. Not just for my looks, but because I'm a much happier person while I'm losing.  And dang it... if you look above, you'll see I'm gonna be doing a LOT of dating in 2012.  I have to look good for that! ;)

*Making time for God.  It seems like a no brainer, but it never is.  I find myself so busy... with kids, with life.. with the computer, and just with being lazy at times, that I don't make time for God.  It's time to change that.  

Those are just  a few things.  I'll begin by posting with my Putting him First experiment.  Can I overcome my selfish wants and desires and just ALWAYS put him first?  Can you?  Feel free to join me!